


Dead man rising.

by thelayuplesbian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bucky Barnes Recovering, M/M, Major Character Injury, fuck you Infinity War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 13:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15950387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelayuplesbian/pseuds/thelayuplesbian
Summary: “End of the line right?”





	1. Ice.

**Author's Note:**

> it’s really gay and soft ok

Longing. That was always the most painful word, the first one. It struck a cord in his chest, snapped his heartstring. They knew he longed, the soldier longed for the long dead captain. Using love against him, love he didn’t recognize anymore but love that shattered his walls anyways. Till death do us part right? Not for them. Death doesn’t keep the solider from longing, loving, wanting Steve. Steve. That’s his name. Ice blue eyes. Soft blonde hair. Tiny wrists, long slender fingers, chapped pink lips. Steve, he remembers. 

Not the one after. The man that saved him once, twice, three times. Buff and big, Ice blue eyes, soft blonde hair, wrists bigger now but small in comparison to his own, long slender fingers, chapped pink lips. The one that got into fights he couldn’t win, nearly died every winter, wore Bucky’s (Bucky?) sweaters and sketched him in front of the fire. The one he fell in love with at thirteen and never fell out of it. Captain America, he’ll forget. Till one day, a mission, a kill list, a bridge. Ice- no, not the ice that steals his time- the ice he loves. Ice blue eyes, the solider ignores the alarms going off in his head. The ones saying, ‘protect! do not harm! love! protect!’ and tries to kill him. 

Thankfully he fails but not before- “Bucky?” breath is stolen from his lungs. He knows that word, a name maybe? His name? The dead man the solider once was. Push it down, fight, fight, fight, you aren’t going to win this fight, abandon ship. Lips- chapped still (still?) formed the word ‘Bucky’. The soldiers mind is a tornado, he doesn’t understand. Who was that man, why did he know him, who is Bucky, why does he know those eyes, those lips, those wrists. “The man on the bridge. Who was he?” Something about an assignment. “I knew him.” Shaped the century. Gift to mankind. “But I knew him.” Miserable, heart broken, aching, Ice, shock, chair, scream, blank. 

Kill Captain America. That’s the mission, it makes the solider sick. Why? He doesn’t know. Ice blue eyes, piercing, staring at him. They fight, he begins to feel like maybe he isn’t the solider, he gets trapped under a hunk of metal. Captain saves him. “You know me.” How? Ice blue eyes, Ice blue eyes, Ice blue- “No I don’t!” A lie, he doesn’t understand how it is. “Bucky you’ve known me your whole life!” Captain America yells and his heart string tugs. Longing. It’s been less, he is why. Punch. “You’re name is James Buchanan Barnes.” Captain America, the target says, and heart string tugs. “Shut up!” Make the tug stop, make the longing stop. Punch. 

“I’m not gonna fight you.” The shield drops out of the carrier. “You’re my friend.” How? The asset, the soldier has no friends. Maybe James does. The dead man. “You’re my mission.” Fight off the dead man rising. Punch, punch, Ice blue eyes, oh god what have I done, punch, punch. “Then finish it cause I’m with you, till the end of the line.” He doesn’t punch again, heart string tugs, longing is gone, it’s right there. His heart is beneath him. Memories come rushing back, a skinny boy, Ice blue eyes, girls, the 40’s, the war, slender artists fingers, more war, saving, hugs, train, Ice blue eyes. “Stevie?” Dead man peaks through and whispers. Ice blue eyes brim with tears and chapped lips form a soft smile. The target strokes his cheek and nods. The glass beneath them collapses. Steve falls. 

He doesn’t scream. Watches him hit the water, drops down and saves him. Chest compressions, mouth to mouth, water coughed up, thank God. “Buck?” Whisper, nod though he isn’t sure. “Buck.” Louder, a smile, arms around shoulders. Hug. Hug back dead man whispers and he does. They break apart, he looks down, sees blood. Oh. He shot there. “Hospital.” Dead man peaks through and says. Steve (Steve?) nods and tries to stand but starts to fall, he quickly lifts him. Bird man stops in front of him, points gun, he protectively holds Steve closer. “Hospital.” He bites out and Steve coughs. “Sam, he’s Bucky. He remembers me.” Steve rasps and bird man slowly lowers the gun and nods. “I got my eye on you.” Bird man says and he ignores him. They run, follow Bird man to hospital. Get Steve into ER, he goes to surgery. 

“You hurt him.” Bird man- Sam he remembers- says when they are alone. He nods sadly. “Didn’t want to. Saved me. Love.” He says, not used to his mind being his again yet. Sam stares at him from his seat across the room. “You love Cap?” Sam whispers and he looks up from his hands and nods. “Always. He doesn’t know.” Sam hums and they both hear heels running down the hall, Widow, he braces himself. “James?” Widow whispers when she rounds the corner in disbelief, he holds his hands up in surrender and nods. “Widow.” She exhales sharply at that. “Is he in his right mind Sam?” Widow asks Sam, he shrugs. “Best he can be right now. Saved Steve’s ass but also shot him in the first place so.” Sam replies and Widow narrows her eyes at Bucky but kneels in front of him, he looks up from his lap again. 

“He was your target?” Nod. “Bucky doesn’t want to hurt him.” Nod. “Love.” He says and Widow smiles softly. “The solider?” She asks in Russian. “Half dead.” More russian, she smiles. “And James?” English this time. “More than half here.” Bucky says softly and she pats his hand before standing up and sitting next to him. They sit in silence for an hour until a nurse walks calmly to them and explains that Captain America is sleeping but they may go into his room. The first thing he sees is soft blonde hair, dry now. Slowly he sits in the chair closest to the bed and takes Steve’s hand gently, with his human hand. Says nothing, Sam and Widow sit too. Widow calls someone- Fury and then someone- Stark on the phone. Stark is familiar but painful- he doesn’t dwell on it. He falls asleep at some point, dozing lightly and aware and wakes when someone squeezes his hand. 

His eyes flutter open and he’s met with Ice blue ones staring at him. “You stayed.” Steve croaks and he smiles softly. “End of the line, right?” Bucky whispers and Steve smiles and intertwines their fingers. “Always.” Steve rasps and Bucky frowns before looking around and finding a glass next to a jug of water. He kisses Steve’s hand and gets up, pours the glass of water, sets it on the bedside, notices Sam and Widow sleeping, gently sits Steve up, gives cup, makes sure he drinks. “I missed you jerk.” Steve says when Bucky sits back down. “I missed you too Punk.” He whispers and Steve takes his hand, his metal one and intertwines their fingers. After convincing Fury, who isn’t dead, and about everyone else that Bucky was okay, and coming back to himself and after a few days of Steve recovering they’re allowed to leave. 

“Where are we going to go?” Bucky asks quietly a few days before they leave, Steve smiles softly and doesn’t touch him. Doesn’t hold his hand like he wants to, isn’t sure what anything means anymore. “I got a two bedroom in brooklyn. Shitty and cheap, reminds me of home.” Steve rasps and Bucky’s heart swells with love. “Just like the old days?” He asks and Steve chuckles. “Yeah bud, just like the old days.” Except it’s not. Bucky is fragile, broken and doesn’t trust his own mind. Fury gets him a therapist, mandatory, that he meets with and she helps, sometimes. Sometimes he doesn’t leave Steve’s side to even pee he’s so scared all of this is a dream that’ll warp into a nightmare. His mind is jumbled and ice blue eyes help bring him home. Today they are leaving the hospital, heading to Steve’s apartment. He is nervous, he can tell. Sometimes it’s hard to read his own emotions, he’s working on it. Steve squeezes his hand and he’s brought back to reality, the car moves headed to Steve’s apartment. 


	2. A Lazy Day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pure fucking fluff

Integrating into civilian life, as bird man calls it, is a process. He’s going by Bucky again, is able to respond when someone calls him it. He rarely sleeps, his body only giving him the gift of sleep when he’s too exhausted to function. Steve frets over him like Bucky used to in the olden days. His bedroom is bare, only having tee shirts, pants, hoodies and jackets that Steve snuck in his closet when he was in a dead sleep. There’s a bed with white sheets and a black comforter he stole from Steve that helps him sleep better. It’s small and perfect for him, he wishes it had Steve though. 

Bucky works out everyday, using the gym downstairs to keep his mind focused. He eats on autopilot, same time everyday. Keeping a schedule helps he finds, Steve keeps it with him. It’s seven thirty now, he’s waking up from the hour of sleep he got and hears Steve banging around in the kitchen. He isn’t fully awake yet when he stumbles into the kitchen bleary eyed and hugs Steve from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. Steve doesn’t stiffen, just smiles and keeps cooking his eggs afraid he’ll scare Bucky away. Bucky tightens his grip when he realizes what he’s doing and groans into Steve’s shoulder. “Sorry.” Bucky mutters as he peels away and goes to the coffee maker, scolding himself in his mind. 

“I like when you’re affectionate, you don’t need to apologize.” Steve says to his eggs and moves them off the stove. He slowly and gently places his hand on Bucky’s arm so Bucky can flinch away if he wants but he doesn’t. “We used to be affectionate all the time Buck. I miss it ya know, I missed you.” Steve whispers as he slowly plasters himself to Bucky’s back and gently rubs his arms. Bucky can’t help the goosebumps that pop up in the wake of Steve’s warm hands. “I remember some of that.” Bucky rasps and Steve hums and interlocks their fingers, his hands atop Bucky’s. “We’d dance around the apartment, you’d come up and hug me like you just did, we’d share the bed for warmth and so many other things. We can start to go back to that if you want.” Steve whispers, breath hot against his ear and Bucky smiles and it’s foreign, he hasn’t smiled in years. 

“Do you?” Bucky asks after a few beats of silence. “Of course. I want you to feel safe here, with me.” He turns around in Steve’s arms then and wraps him in a tight hug. This isn’t part of your routine, a voice supplies and he ignores it. “ ‘M workin on it Stevie.” He says into Steve’s shoulder as long slender fingers find their way into his hair. “I know, I’m so proud of you. So, so proud Buck. You’ve been doing so good and I know you have the off days and that’s okay too.” Steve’s hands rub his back as he says this and Bucky’s grip tightens in his shirt. “Can we- Can we take a lazy day today?” He pulls away a tad and croaks, Steve pushes some hair out of his face and nods. 

They end up eating breakfast on the couch, some space between them because Bucky is just testing the waters now and watching TV. A few minutes after they finish Steve stretches out on the couch a bit, leaning against the side and Bucky takes a breath. He abruptly lays his head on Steve’s chest, Steve let’s out a chuckle. They don’t talk, just watch the TV and Steve’s fingers card through his hair again. He drifts off sometime through the show and wakes up four hours later from the deepest sleep he’s had since before the war. Steve is asleep when his eyes flutter open and he just watches him for a while, content to watch his Stevie sleep. “You’re so pretty Stevie, I’ve missed you so much. Remember when you were skinny and got in fights I had to pull you out of, Sarah and how my siblings loved you, the building cat we gave scraps to, how it hurt leavin’ you.” Bucky whispers and Steve takes a shaky breath and intertwines their fingers, his eyes fluttering open. 

“You remember all that Buck?” Steve whispers and tears prick his eyes as he squeezes Bucky’s hand. “You weren’t supposed to hear that Punk.” He whispers back and rests their intertwined hands on Steve’s chest, feeling his heartbeat. “Do you remember that time I saved you from the hydra base?” Steve’s chest rumbles when he asks. “I remember it was the first time I saw you after the serum. I wanted, I wanted to,” He doesn’t finish the sentence and Steve’s other hand cards through his hair again. “Wanted to?” The blonde whispers shakily. “Smack you for doing that shit?” Bucky responds like it’s a question and Steve sighs. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.” Steve’s fingers don’t leave his hair and Bucky nods, thankful Steve knows not to push him yet. 

Nothing in him is saying get up, run away, break away from Steve so he stays and let’s himself be held. Bucky lets out a soft moan when Steve, who is rubbing his back, presses experimentally into where his metal arm meets his shoulder. Steve massages there gently with strong fingers and it elicits more soft noises from Bucky. “Does it hurt? Your arm I mean.” He hears Steve asks and nods, he’s melted into Steve from the massaging on his shoulder. “We can get Tony and Bruce to help with that if you’d like, they’re good people.” Steve tells him softly and Bucky looks up to see a crease between his eyebrows. He tries to rub it away with his thumb and lets his hand drop to Steve’s chest when he relaxes his face. “I’d like that.” The rest of the day they watch movies, cuddle and eat. It feels good taking a day off, being held like he was and he felt safe. Steve was home, is home. 

Around ten he’s starting to drift off again, in Steve’s arms listening to his heartbeat. “You wanna go to bed?” Steve asks and he nods into his chest. Steve stands and Bucky groans before sitting up, Steve chuckles and picks him up, almost effortlessly. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t say anything in fact just revels in Steve’s strength. They walk right past his door and he looks up in question, Steve stares straight ahead and walks into his own bedroom. He sets Bucky gently on the bed and sits next to him. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I- um- I miss sleeping next to you and I want you to sleep here but obviously you don’t have to.” Steve rushes out and he smiles softly at him the entire time. When Steve is done rambling Bucky gets up and settles himself in under the covers. “You comin’ old man?” A tease, a joke, Steve realizes and his face lights up. “Course, Jerk.” 


End file.
